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This is the blog that inspires me every time I read it. And by inspires me, I mean leaves me sobbing and in tonight's case leaves me with a broken heart but a healed heart at the same time. How can a heart be broken and healed at the same time you ask? One word. Jesus. If we allow ourselves to be vulnerable and break into pieces, He will pick them up for you and put them back together. Why would you want your heart to be broken into pieces? Because when our Jesus puts those pieces back together, he makes it stronger than it was the time before that. And not only that, but it is a bonding experience between us and God.

Sorry to get all deep and I apologize for not blogging in 6 months!!! I really have no excuse. To tell the truth, I have read books, watched tv and movies etc...Ive had time for facebook and pinterest but blogging seems to be something I reserve for getting things off of my mind. Or rather than cutting it out of my mind and pasting it to a blog, I am copying it and pasting it so that if I lose these feelings I have right now about where I want my heart to be, I can look back and maybe something I wrote will trigger those feelings again. It will remind me that yes, I had a moment of vulnerability allowing God to overtake me for that brief moment. It will hopefully remind me that this is a place I want to be more than just one day. I have the Nicolas Sparks book from the library, and also my doula books I need to read right now that are calling my name because let's face it, the kids are in bed and this is my best chance to read in peace and quiet...BUT all I want to do right now is listen to worship music and be in the presence of my God. I want to soak in this moment because I know this will fade at some point and spending time with God will seem more like a chore, or just another thing to check off of my list for the day. I need this Holy Spirit moment so that I keep this small flame burning inside me which was just a tiny spark 24 hours ago can keep getting bigger and bigger. Not only for how it makes me feel but for the sake of others around me, so that they can see Gods light inside me, and the joy radiating out of me and want that for themselves too. I want to be better not only so that I can help others and bless them, but so that God can get the glory because He deserves it so much!

"Now,
O Lord,
calm me into a quietness
that heals
and listens,
and molds my longings
and passions,
my wounds
and wonderings
into a more holy
and human
shape."
Ted Loder (Geurrila's of Grace)